If I Were a Man by Charlotte Perkins Gilman
'If I were a man,...' that was what pretty little Mollie Mathewson
always said when Gerald would not do what she wanted him to--which was
That was what she said this bright morning, with a stamp of her
little high-heeled slipper, just because he had made a fuss about that
bill, the long one with the 'account rendered,' which she had forgotten
to give him the first time and been afraid to the second--and now he
had taken it from the postman himself.
Mollie was 'true to type.' She was a beautiful instance of what is
reverentially called 'a true woman.' Little, of course--no true woman
may be big. Pretty, of course--no true woman could possibly be plain.
Whimsical, capricious, charming, changeable, devoted to pretty clothes
and always 'wearing them well,' as the esoteric phrase has it. (This
does not refer to the clothes---they do not wear well in the least--but
to some special grace of putting them on and carrying them about,
granted to but few, it appears.)
She was also a loving wife and a devoted mother possessed of 'the
social gift' and the love of 'society' that goes with it, and, with all
these was fond and proud of her home and managed it as capably
as--well, as most women do.
If ever there was a true woman it was Mollie Mathewson, yet she was
wishing heart and soul she was a man.
And all of a sudden she was!
She was Gerald, walking down the path so erect and
square-shouldered, in a hurry for his morning train, as usual, and, it
must be confessed, in something of a temper.
Her own words were ringing in her ears--not only the 'last word,'
but several that had gone before, and she was holding her lips tight
shut, not to say something she would be sorry for. But instead of
acquiescence in the position taken by that angry little figure on the
veranda, what she felt was a sort of superior pride, a sympathy as with
weakness, a feeling that 'I must be gentle with her,' in spite of the
A man! Really a man--with only enough subconscious memory of herself
remaining to make her recognize the differences.
At first there was a funny sense of size and weight and extra
thickness, the feet and hands seemed strangely large, and her long,
straight, free legs swung forward at a gait that made her feel as if on
This presently passed, and in its place, growing all day, wherever
she went, came a new and delightful feeling of being the right
Everything fitted now. Her back snugly against the seat-back, her
feet comfortably on the floor. Her feet?...His feet! She studied them
carefully. Never before, since her early school days, had she felt such
freedom and comfort as to feet--they were firm and solid on the ground
when she walked; quick, springy, safe-as when, moved by an
unrecognizable impulse, she had run after, caught, and swung aboard the
Another impulse fished in a convenient pocket for change-instantly,
automatically, bringing forth a nickel for the conductor and a penny
for the newsboy. These pockets came as a revelation. Of course she had
known they were there, had counted them, made fun of them, mended them,
even envied them; but she never had dreamed of how it felt to have
Behind her newspaper she let her consciousness, that odd mingled
consciousness, rove from pocket to pocket, realizing the armored
assurance of having all those things at hand, instantly get-at-able,
ready to meet emergencies. The cigar case gave her a warm feeling of
comfort--it was full; the firmly held fountain pen, safe unless she
stood on her head; the keys, pencils, letters, documents, notebook,
checkbook, bill folder--all at once, with a deep rushing sense of power
and pride, she felt what she had never felt before in all her life--the
possession of money, of her own earned money--hers to give or to
withhold, not to beg for, tease for, wheedle for--hers.
That bill--why, if it had come to her--to him, that is--he would
have paid it as a matter of course, and never mentioned it--to her.
Then, being he, sitting there so easily and firmly with his money in
his pockets, she wakened to his life-long consciousness about money.
Boyhood--its desires and dreams, ambitions. Young manhood---working
tremendously for the wherewithal to make a home--for her. The present
years with all their net of cares and hopes and dangers; the present
moment, when he needed every cent for special plans of great
importance, and this bill, long overdue and demanding payment, meant an
amount of inconvenience wholly unnecessary if it had been given him
when it first came; also, the man's keen dislike of that 'account
'Women have no business sense!' she found herself saying. 'And all
that money just for hats idiotic, useless, ugly things!'
With that she began to see the hats of the women in the car as she
had never seen hats before.
The men's seemed normal, dignified, becoming, with enough variety
for personal taste, and with distinction in style and in age, such as
she had never noticed before. But the women's--
With the eyes of a man and the brain of a man; with the memory of a
whole lifetime of free action wherein the hat, close-fitting on cropped
hair, had been no handicap; she now perceived the hats of women.
The massed fluffed hair was at once attractive and foolish, and on
that hair, at every angle, in all colors, tipped, twisted, tortured
into every crooked shape, made of any substance chance might offer,
perched these formless objects. Then, on their formlessness the
trimmings-these squirts of stiff feathers, these violent outstanding
bows of glistening ribbon, these swaying, projecting masses of plumage
which tormented the faces of bystanders.
Never in all her life had she imagined that this idolized millinery
could look, to those who paid for it, like the decorations of an insane
And yet, when there came into the car a little woman, as foolish as
any, but pretty and sweet-looking, up rose Gerald Mathewson and gave
her his seat. And, later, when there came in a handsome red-cheeked
girl, whose hat was wilder, more violent in color and eccentric in
shape than any other--when she stood nearby and her soft curling plumes
swept his cheek once and again--he felt a sense of sudden pleasure at
the intimate tickling touch--and she, deep down within, felt such a
wave of shame as might well drown a thousand hats forever.
When he took his train, his seat in the smoking car, she had a new
surprise. All about him were the other men, commuters too, and many of
them friends of his.
To her, they would have been distinguished as 'Mary Wade's husband,'
'the man Belle Grant is engaged to' 'that rich Mr. Shopworth,' or 'that
pleasant Mr. Beale.' And they would all have lifted their hats to her,
bowed, made polite conversation if near enough--especially Mr. Beale.
Now came the feeling of open-eyed acquaintance, of knowing men--as they
were. The mere amount of this knowledge was a surprise to her--the
whole background of talk from boyhood up, the gossip of barber-shop and
club, the conversation of morning and evening hours on trains, the
knowledge of political affiliation, of business standing and prospects,
of character--in a light she had never known before. The came and
talked to Gerald, one and another. He seemed quite popular. And as they
talked, with this new memory and new understanding, an understanding
which seemed to include all these men's minds, there poured in on the
submerged consciousness beneath a new, a startling knowledge--what men
really think of women.
Good, average, American men were there; married men for the most
part, and happy--as happiness goes in general. In the minds of each and
all there seemed to be a two-story department, quite apart from the
rest of their ideas, a separate place where they kept their thoughts
and feelings about women.
In the upper half were the tenderest emotions, the most exquisite
ideals, the sweetest memories, all lovely sentiments as to 'home' and
'mother,' all delicate admiring adjectives, a sort of sanctuary, where
a veiled statue, blindly adored, shared place with beloved yet
In the lower half--here that buried consciousness woke to keen
distress--they kept quite another assortment of ideas. Here, even in
this clean-minded husband of hers, was the memory of stories told at
men's dinners, of worse ones overheard in street or car, of base
traditions, coarse epithets, gross experiences--known, though not
And all these in the department 'woman,' while in the rest of the
mind--here was new knowledge indeed.
The world opened before her. Not the world she had been reared
in--where Home had covered all the map, almost, and the rest had been
'foreign,' or 'unexplored country,' but the world as it was--man's
world, as made, lived in, and seen, by men.
It was dizzying. To see the houses that fled so fast across the car
window, in terms of builders' bills, or of some technical insight into
materials and methods; to see a passing village with lamentable
knowledge of who 'owned it' and of how its Boss was rapidly aspiring in
state power, or of how that kind of paving was a failure; to see shops,
not as mere exhibitions of desirable objects, but as business ventures,
many mere sinking ships, some promising a profitable voyage--this new
world bewildered her.
She--as Gerald--had already forgotten about that bill, over which
she--as Mollie--was still crying at home. Gerald was 'talking business'
with this man, 'talking politics' with that, and now sympathizing with
the carefully withheld troubles of a neighbor.
Mollie had always sympathized with the neighbor's wife before.
She began to struggle violently with this large dominant masculine
consciousness. She remembered with sudden clearness things she had
read, lectures she had heard, and resented with increasing intensity
this serene masculine preoccupation with the male point of view.
Mr. Miles, the little fussy man who lived on the other side of the
street, was talking now. He had a large complacent wife; Mollie had
never liked her much, but had always thought him rather nice-he was so
punctilious in small courtesies.
And here he was talking to Gerald--such talk!
'Had to come in here,' he said. 'Gave my seat to a dame who was
bound to have it. There's nothing they won't get when they make up
their minds to it--eh?'
'No fear!' said the big man in the next seat. 'They haven't much
mind to make up, you know--and if they do, hey'll change it.'
'The real danger,' began the Rev. Alfred Smythe, the new Episcopal
clergyman, a thin, nervous, tall man with a face several centuries
behind the times, 'is that they will overstep the limits of their
'Their natural limits ought to hold 'em, I think,' said cheerful Dr.
Jones. 'You can't get around physiology, I tell you.'
'I've never seen any limits, myself, not to what they want, anyhow,'
said Mr. Miles. 'Merely a rich husband and a fine house and no end of
bonnets and dresses, and the latest thing in motors, and a few
diamonds-and so on. Keeps us pretty busy.'
There was a tired gray man across the aisle. He had a very nice
wife, always beautifully dressed, and three unmarried daughters, also
beautifully dressed--Mollie knew them. She knew he worked hard, too,
and she looked at him now a little anxiously.
But he smiled cheerfully.
'Do you good, Miles,' he said. 'What else would a man work for? A
good woman is about the best thing on earth.'
'And a bad one's the worst, that's sure,' responded Miles.
'She's a pretty weak sister, viewed professionally,' Dr. Jones
averred with solemnity, and the Rev Alfred Smythe added, 'She brought
evil into the world.'
Gerald Mathewson sat up straight. Something was stirring in him
which he did not recognize--yet could not resist.
'Seems to me we all talk like Noah,' he suggested drily. 'Or the
ancient Hindu scriptures.
Women have their limitations, but so do we. God knows. Haven't we
known girls in school and college just as smart as we were?'
'They cannot play our games,' coldly replied the clergyman.
Gerald measured his meager proportions with a practiced eye.
'I never was particularly good at football myself,' he modestly
admitted, 'but I've known women who could outlast a man in all-round
endurance. Besides--life isn't spent in athletics!'
This was sadly true. They all looked down the aisle where a heavily
ill-dressed man with a bad complexion sat alone. He had held the top of
the columns once, with headlines and photographs.
Now he earned less than any of them.
'It's time we woke up,' pursued Gerald, still inwardly urged to
unfamiliar speech. 'Women are pretty much people, seems to me. I know
they dress like fools-but who's to blame for that? We invent all those
idiotic hats of theirs, and design their crazy fashions, and, what's
more, if a woman is courageous enough to wear common-sense clothes--and
shoes--which of us wants to dance with her?
'Yes, we blame them for grafting on us, but are we willing to let
our wives work? We are not.
It hurts our pride, that's all. We are always criticizing them for
making mercenary marriages, but what do we call a girl who marries a
chump with no money? Just a poor fool, that's all. And they know
'As for Mother Eve--I wasn't there and can't deny the story, but I
will say this. If she brought evil into the world, we men have had the
lion's share of keeping it going ever since--how about that?'
They drew into the city, and all day long in his business, Gerald
was vaguely conscious of new views, strange feelings, and the submerged
Mollie learned and learned.